Blogging...my motivations

You may notice a new, little pink button on my sidebar from Circle of  Moms asking you to click and vote for my blog as one of the "Top 25 Adoption Blogs by Moms".  To be frank, I am not altogether comfortable with marketing myself and I tend to cringe at the thought of reading "How to" helps on how to make your blog grow in numbers of followers, site traffic, revenues, etc. Let me be clear in saying that I don't believe there is anything at all wrong in doing those things--many moms help to provide for their families and benefit wonderful organizations by using their blogs to make money in one form or another. I think the world of blogging and virtual marketing,  just like any enterprise, are tools that in and of themselves can be used for a variety of purposes and reasons, some wonderful and some less so.  But I honestly have felt that from the first post, my blog was supposed to be used for some specific purposes. At the beginning, it was to tell our adoption story and to bring awareness to the plight of orphans around the world. Now, it has expanded, and I believe it is primarily supposed to focus on life with Christ, celebrating and living in God's glory as we journey to show His love and grace in tangible ways to people around us and around the globe.  On my blog, it is my prayer that in every post you find the very heartbeat of my life in Christ, and that you also find one of the following: Encouragement, Story-Telling, Advocacy, Truth, and/or Vulnerability.

I tell my own stories, and I share the stories of people who inspire, touch, encourage, and show me the face of God in some way. And with each post, I am surprised at how God speaks to and changes me through typing these words on a screen. Somehow, I am able to better absorb and be changed by a story or truth when I have "translated" it into words. I don't blog to get attention or comments, although I am encouraged by and grateful for the comments people leave. And I don't blog to gain a large group of people hanging on my every word. (In fact, that very though frightens this desperate child of God living by grace alone). By God's grace, I blog what He is teaching me and what I am experiencing in relationship to Him and who He is and what truths He has revealed through His word, through experiences, through people in my life, through family relationships, and through circumstances. So, when I put that little pink button on the side bar, I just felt the need to clarify my motivations. If you want to vote, go right ahead. If not, no big deal. If my being in the "running" for this list brings a reader who might be encouraged to my blog, that makes me smile. If it only serves to remind me that blogging is about His glory, not mine, then that is even better.

Gratitude and blessings for reading this very introspective post if you have read this far! And since I have spent way to long talking about me on Good Friday, a day that I am broken over what Jesus did for me and for you, I will leave you with His words, spoken just days before he was crucified,  in Matthew 25:31-46.

“When the Son of Man comes in his glory, and all the angels with him, he will sit on his glorious throne. All the nations will be gathered before him, and he will separate the people one from another as a shepherd separates the sheep from the goats. He will put the sheep on his right and the goats on his left.

“Then the King will say to those on his right, ‘Come, you who are blessed by my Father; take your inheritance, the kingdom prepared for you since the creation of the world. For I was hungry and you gave me something to eat, I was thirsty and you gave me something to drink, I was a stranger and you invited me in, I needed clothes and you clothed me, I was sick and you looked after me, I was in prison and you came to visit me.’

“Then the righteous will answer him, ‘Lord, when did we see you hungry and feed you, or thirsty and give you something to drink? When did we see you a stranger and invite you in, or needing clothes and clothe you? When did we see you sick or in prison and go to visit you?’

“The King will reply, ‘Truly I tell you, whatever you did for one of the least of these brothers and sisters of mine, you did for me.’

“Then he will say to those on his left, ‘Depart from me, you who are cursed, into the eternal fire prepared for the devil and his angels. For I was hungry and you gave me nothing to eat, I was thirsty and you gave me nothing to drink, I was a stranger and you did not invite me in, I needed clothes and you did not clothe me, I was sick and in prison and you did not look after me.’

“They also will answer, ‘Lord, when did we see you hungry or thirsty or a stranger or needing clothes or sick or in prison, and did not help you?’ “He will reply, ‘Truly I tell you, whatever you did not do for one of the least of these, you did not do for me.’

“Then they will go away to eternal punishment, but the righteous to eternal life.”

Loving and Learning,

Light and Shadows (listen to the song at the end, too)

I'm standing in my bedroom, hand gripped hard to one post of the four poster bed, chest shaking from sobs of dry tears. "God, please help me know how to do this. I can't do this. I need you," words barely whispered from brokenness. I've yelled again--let out a litany of blaming words instead of a calm, patient explanation as to why a son needs to listen and respect.  I love him so much it makes my heart ache, and that is why careless words and certain actions send me reeling as my mind plays the song of doubt and fear at my own failures as a parent.

I'm fighting shadows today.

In these moments, every day, I become weary.  And the failures and failings seem to pile up in my mind faster than the laundry down the hall. I know God makes beautiful things--from failure, from pain, from ashes, from us. And if I know you just a little I can usually point out how His light is making you shine. But most days, I just see myself in shadowed silhouette.


I have to fight those shadows.

You see, once upon a time, I was filled with darkness and sin and despair. I was a desperate, wretched sinner who loved rules,  nice boxes I could check, easy answers to hard questions, and lists I could follow to do the "right" thing. My life was centered on my own performance of faith. And if you knew me back then, you probably would have said I was a "good girl." Somewhere in the middle of all that, I experienced God's astounding Grace, His deep Love, and His unending Mercy in the most real way possible. I saw how much I needed forgiveness, how my outside might look okay to some people, but I was in need of rescuing from a dark pride inside. God wrecked me in the best possible way, stripped away my self-sufficiency, and gave me a deep sense of my need for Him in every moment of every day. He filled me with the light of who He is.


"When Jesus spoke again to the people, he said, “I am the light of the world. Whoever follows me will never walk in darkness, but will have the light of life.” John 8:12



He opened my life and my eyes to the light of life, the light of Christ, His light. He loved me even as I wandered in the darkness and brought me out to dance in the light. And I didn't have to perform for the One who loved me just for me. He knew I was far from perfect or even remotely good, but He loved me and showed me that He could make something more beautiful out of my life than any accomplishment or achievement.


I confess, on stormy and difficult days those shadows of perfectionist pride can easily come calling to the edges of my heart and mind in the form of poison words of worthlessness and failure. I start to think of myself in terms of what I have done or accomplished instead of who I am in Christ. Rather than confessing and receiving His forgiveness and renewing of my heart and mind, I began to go over the myriad of ways I have failed and focus upon myself. 


Maybe you have those shadows of self-doubt that come from pains of your past or disappointment in your present or even fear of your future. Possibly, on days that aren't going so great, words of worthlessness or scorn seem to cling to you? Those labels of shame and shadow don't make you who you are. You are loved and amazing, and in Christ, you are filled with light. So I hope and pray that you fight your shadows and stand in His light. If nothing else, I hope it helps to hear that you aren't the only one fighting them and to know that we are never going to get it together, get it right, or make it all fit.  But we have the light of a God who loves us and gives us grace for each moment.


Life is messy. Life in Christ is a beautiful mess, shadows illuminated by the light of love without condition. His light inside of us is a lamp in the window, a welcoming beacon to the sin- and world-weary traveler who cannot push back those shadows alone. 


I can fight the shadows of these hard days because I know the One who pierced the darkness of eternity with His brilliance. 
His light will never dim or be extinguished. 
His light makes me shine in love and grace and draws people to Him. 


“You are the light of the world. A city on a hill cannot be hidden. Neither do people light a lamp and put it under a bowl. Instead they put it on its stand, and it gives light to everyone in the house. In the same way, let your light shine before men, that they may see your good deeds and praise your Father in heaven." Matthew 5:14-16


(My own petty trophies and accomplishments, my small and prideful attempts at polished life just invited me to live in the dark and pushed people away.)


How do we fight the good fight and navigate these shadowlands  (oh, how I love C.S. Lewis) with hope? Here are some thoughts. (I would love to hear yours)


1. Begin on our knees. Any battle of the heart and mind that we fight must begin with our seeking God's face, His presence, His blessing, and His potter's hand to mold us and transform us. 


2. Search scripture to discover what God's word says about how He sees and loves and defines His children, how He sees you in Christ. Finish this sentence with as many words as you can find on this treasure hunt: "In Christ, I am_________" (there are some beautiful printables available at various sites and blogs expressing some of these truths). Keep your list in a journal, make your own printable for your fridge, or frame a graphic list, and put it in a prominent place where you can see it daily.  Add to your list as you come across more scriptures, teach your children about their identity in Christ, and look at it as often as possible to remind you who He says you are. 


3. Find beauty, notice grace (even in the ordinary and messy moments of life), list the gifts that God has given you each day. There's this amazing author you must have heard about and her book, One Thousand Gifts, that you must read. She has called and inspired so many to see His gifts, list His gifts, live in gratitude for His gifts, and know that all is from His hand. In her words "all is grace." You can use her inspirations explained here to make your list of gifts, or just begin writing in a notebook or journal, gifts of each day for which you are thankful. You will be surprised how quickly you can fill pages with thanks. Something about true gratitude from our heart makes us realize how light dances in every shadow because He is always with us.


4. Find a way that you can bring light, make beauty in this shadowed world. It may be cooking for a lonely neighbor, taking flowers and visiting someone sick or in the nursing home, volunteering to feed people at a shelter, loving on and supporting families in need who are in your church, helping out or even beginning a youth sports team on the "rough" side of your town, supporting an adoptive or foster family, sending cards of encouragement or gift cards to a single mom or dad who is struggling, going on a short term mission trip to serve outside of your context/comfort zone, sponsoring a child through World Vision, Holt, or Compassion. These are just a few of the ways we can get our eyes off of our limitations and learn so much about how God loves by loving and being in relationship with people. 

I'm still learning how to fight those shadows and live in the truth that His light lives in me, and I am praying for you today as you fight your own. I really would love to hear the ways that you banish the darkness from your heart and mind, if you would be so kind as to leave a comment or send an email.





Loving and Learning to Be the Light,